Kim Possible Makes a Change
by Feudor
Summary: Stupid story that defies description. Attemtps to be funny, and probably fails. Ah, well.


OK, a few basics to begin with.

I own a car, a house, a computer, and stuff.

Xena the cat owns me.

Disney own a lot of things they don't deserve; among them Kim Possible.

I'm only borrowing her for a while to write this non-profit fan-fiction story. I'll give her back. Promise.

Oh, and one more thing; an announcement my family forces me to include:

"_WARNING. Do not read this shit, and DO NOT REVIEW! It will only encourage the poor fool, and he'll keep wasting his time at the computer, drooling over his cartoon characters, instead of doing the dishes or vacuuming the living room. Any reviewers will be seen a accomplices to the crime, and may be punished accordingly!"_

**KIM CHANGES HER VOCATION**

Kim Possible is a hero.

She saves the world on a daily basis, and twice on Thursdays. Save, save, save.

She does this by fighting super-villains and mad scientists and beating the stuffing out of them.

==##0##==

Here she is, thwarting the latest nefarious scheme of Professor Dementor. Thwart, thwart, thwart.

This is acomplished in the usual fashion; pounding the crap out or him.

The henchmen prudently sneak away. Sneak, sneak, sneak.

The mutated wiener-dogs whine in the corners. Whine, whine, whine.

Kim Possible is a hero. She stops wailing on the Professor when he is within an inch of his life. Then she helpfully calls the ambulance and takes her departure.

==##0##==

Now she can be seen stopping the evil machinations of Duff Killigan. The obsessed Laird has genetically coloured the greens at Saint Andrew's golf club in his family tartan pattern, and refuses to restore them to their pristine glory until he is given his membership back.

Kim Possible stuffs the majority of his golf clubs down his throat. Stuff, stuff, stuff.

The remaining clubs, she shoves up his.... No, she doesn't. Kim Possible is a hero.

Duff's caddies run for their lives. Run, run, run.

Kim Possible calls the ambulance. Didn't you pay attention? I told you she's a hero.

==##0##==

Marie Sidonie Goscinny, a.k.a. Shego, is not a hero. She is a super-villain.

She practices her villainy by stealing, fighting and jay-walking.

She steals anything she wants, she fights anyone that can present her with a challenge, and she will cross any street whenever she wants. Cross, cross, cross.

==##0##==

Here, you can see her filching the crown jewels from the Tower of London. Filch, filch, filch.

The locks are expertly picked, the security systems disabled and the walls scaled with a cat-burglar's catty skills. Catty, catty, cat.

The queenly bling-bling is sold to a private collector for a tidy sum. The trinkets on display in the Tower today are only cheap copies. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

==##0##==

Here she is in the Louvre, making off with the Mona Lisa. Off, off, off.

The locks are expertly picked..... Yeah, you get the picture. So does Shego.

The painting in the Louvre today is just a cheap copy. The Mona Lisa smile is just the same, though. Smile, smile, smile.

Or perhaps it's more of a knowing smirk?

==##0##==

Here, she steals the petty cash business whiz kid Steve Gates keeps in the safe over his fireplace.

The guard dogs are sleeping, the silent house is stealthily penetrated, and the combination for the safe is discovered with the aid of a stethoscope, rubber gloves and talcum powder.

Oh, kinky!

The millions removed from the safe pays for a nice vacation on the Riviera. There is, of course, no point in substituting cheap copies for the lost currency. Stevie will just have to use a credit card like everyone else.

==##0##==

Drew Theodore Lipsky, a.k.a. Dr. Drakken, is a mad scientist. He has plenty of mad, and a bit of science. Most of the latter, he acquires dishonestly. Bad Drakken!

The acquiring is performed by his sidekick. You know her. No, not Kim, the other one.

To get Shego to be his sidekick, he pays her a lot of cash. To get the cash, he orders Shego to steal it for him. What's up with that deal? Well, I told you they were evil, and not necessarily smart.

Also, Shego likes being Drakken's sidekick for another reason altogether. She gets to fight. And especially, she gets to fight Kim Princess Possible.

==##0##==

Consider Dr. Drakken's latest plan. It involves terrifying the population of the world into submission through the command of giant mutant inchworms.

There is some science in this plan. Most of that has been outsourced.

The nano-size obedience chips that will ensure the chain of command from ruler of the world to the worms had been involuntarily sub-contracted to Dr. Bortel. (Shego stole a bucket full of the nano-thingies.)

The species-specific mutant growth ray for inchworms and other invertebrates had been subcontracted to Dr. Amy Hall; in exchange for some hugs and kisses. X, x, x.

Shego's assumption that the growth-ray for invertebrates was obtained just in order for Drakken to be able to grow his own, spineless self is vehemently rejected by the Doctor. No, no, no!

The mad part of the scheme, though, is pure, vintage Drakken.

The only smart idea, i.e. to test the performance of the obedience chips _**before**_ growing the worms to elephant size, was due to Shego. Drakken did, however, appreciate the fact that an out-of-control rabid stampede of 5 tonne worms would not in his own best interest.

==##0##==

So, here we have Dr. Drakken, engaged in implementing his plan for world domination.

He is exercising a platoon of inch-worms on the old market square of Middleton, demonstrating his command over the poor critters.

He has them so well trained that they could enter the Edinburgh military tattoo and win the price for precision marching. And just think, since the worms themselves are animals, there would be no need for a separate mascot, like William the goat of the Royal Welsh Regiment, thus saving lots of money. Save, save, save.

Drakken is happily leading his troop of worms back and forth over the square. Shego is lounging on a park bench, filing her nails and reading the Villainess Weekly. The occasional bird is decimating the Drakken forces to obtain a light, mid-morning snack. Snack, snack, yuck.

Enter Kim Possible.

==##0##==

Kim Possible is a hero. I believe I mentioned that?

She will now proceed with the hero business by fighting Drakken. However, she decides to remove the icky animals from the equation first, and begins to squash them with her feet. Squash, squash, squash.

Drakken is opposed to this course of action and decides to inform his sidekick.

"Sheeeeego! She's stomping my worms!!"

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Shego lifts her sunglasses from her nose and directs an indolent look at the carnage.

"Uh-huh! So she is."

"Shego, stop her! She's destroying my plan!"

Shego sighs, stands up and cracks her knuckles. Crack, crack, crack.

"All-right, Princess! It's show-time!"

==##0##==

Now comes the fighting, which is fine with Shego, and also with Kim. Fine, fine, fine.

In fact, Kim and Shego greatly enjoy hitting, kicking and hurting each other. This is what defines them both, the one as the hero and the other as the villain. It's what they do. Also, it's fun.

Others are not so sure about the entertainment value of the enacted violence, in view of the consequences.

Drakken and the worms make a tactical withdrawal to escape injury and pain, although they are only partially successful.

The shop-owners around the square that did not have time to lower their blinds quickly get their windows broken.

The owners of the cars parked around the square will soon have long conversations about their insurance policies. (They will find that the damage sustained is not covered; destruction by green plasma being regarded as 'an act of God' by all the companies that have prior experience of such claims.)

The City of Middleton administration will have to replace all the flowerbeds around the square, as well as three light posts and twelve parking meters. In addition, they have to repair the water mains.

Chaos and pandemonium reign. Costs and damages escalate. Panic spreads. Drakken wets his pants.

==##0##==

Enter Lieutenant William Ulysses Du of the Global Justice.

Will U. Du is not a hero. Neither is he a villain. In fact, most of the people he comes in contact with are at a loss to define exactly what he is.

The most widely accepted theory is that he is in fact the incarnation and embodiment of the Global Justice Book of Instructions. All of it, including the ISBN code, the pagination, and the appendix on how to polish your shoe-laces. Polish, spit, and polish.

==##0##==

Will Du assesses the situation.

It turns out that walking your pets in a public place is not illegal, as long as you clean up after them. And even though Kimberly Ann Possible alleges that Drew 'Drakken' Lipsky did, in fact, **not** clean up after the animals in his care, no significant amounts of inchworm excrement could be found on public property.

Being clinically insane and making crazy statements concerning world domination is, in fact, not against the law, either.

Dr. Bortel has not reported anything stolen, so no charge for the theft of nano-sized obedience chips is possible.

Attacking and beating people engaged in the aforementioned activities are, however, not lawful actions. Defending yourself against unprovoked attack by a violent vigilante is, on the contrary, not a crime. In view of the ferocious aggressiveness unleashed by Kimberly Ann Possible, the level of countermeasures employed by Ms Goscinny can not be deemed to be excessive.

==##0##==

Will Du proceeds to address the situation at hand. On behalf of the people of Middleton and the state of Colorado, he extends his sincere apologies to Dr. Drakken for the indignities suffered.

He informs Shego that no criminal charges will be presented, although some private citizens might sue for the collateral damage.

He arrests Kimberly Ann Possible for assault, grievous bodily harm, destruction of public property and cruelty to animals. He also tries, but will later fail, to have her prosecuted for wearing offensive clothing while pretending to act on behalf of the Government. Really, you can see her belly-button!!

==##0##==

Kim Possible is devastated.

Shego laughs so hard she falls over backwards. She considers suing for the injuries sustained to her butt, claiming that Kim's face was just too funny to be legal.

However, in the end, Kimberly Ann Possible is never taken into custody. When Shego has finished laughing, she knocks Will Du to the ground and escapes with Kim under her arm.

==##0##==

Kim is no longer a hero. Neither is she a villain. She is now part of the female WWE team Kim&Shego. They hit, kick and hurt each other on a daily basis, and twice on Thursdays, and get paid to do it.

They are immensely popular with the fans, because of their amazing battles and their extravagant style. Also, they are rather easy on the eyes, and the object of many adolescent dreams.

Drew T. Lipsky is their. Manager. If he can't rule the world, he can at least be a crooked fight promoter.

And they are all sooo happy!


End file.
